One Month: Letter & Photos

About a month after giving birth, I started checking my mail obsessively. I normally check my mail every couple of days, but I was now checking my mail at least twice a day, often more. I checked when I left for work, when I got home, once before bed. It was illogical. I was obsessed. […]

Adoption Day – Part II

After signing the final form and promptly losing my damn mind (seriously — I have never, in my entire life, felt so out of control as I did immediately after those forms were signed), W managed to calm me down — no easy feat, I assure you — by asking if I was ready to […]

Adoption Day – Part I

The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life was sign my own name. My only two-part entry thus far. The actual Hardest Day Of My Life. Yes, I do mean that literally. I sincerely hope that it remains the hardest day of my life, because if life gets any harder than my adoption […]

The Days Between Birth And Adoption

On Monday afternoon, they discharged both myself and my daughter from the hospital. I didn’t know what happened next. I was admittedly lost — was I supposed to take L home with me? Did W take her somewhere? Did we go straight to some place where we would do the adoption right away? Was it […]

Choosing Parents

I spent a lot of my time in the hospital reading through adoptive parent options. I started eliminating some of them as I went — there was absolutely nothing wrong with them, it was just a matter of finding the right fit. I wanted parents who had things in common with me. People who had […]

The Stuff No One Tells You

This entry is a long one, and I apologize, but I wanted it all in one place. Fair warning: if you want real, honest information about what it’s like for your body in the days/ weeks/ months after childbirth, this entry’s for you. It’s just stuff that happens (to some, not all — every body/ […]

Naming My Baby

She was 8 pounds and 12 ounces, they told me. Rounded cheeks, perfect mouth, and a sturdy little body. She was long, too. The more I held her, the more wild it seemed that she had fit inside me. How had she had enough room in there?! The staff took her downstairs for a few […]